you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
