i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
