so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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