This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
