okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
