can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize