ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
