I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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