He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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