Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
