Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
