My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
