she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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