Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
