She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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