is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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