thus making me awesome and them whores
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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