Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
