I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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