i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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