grandma shit on top of the toilet
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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