you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You ruined the universe
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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