Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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