It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Randomize
