dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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