I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
