That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
