this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
