last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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