First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I looked at my own cervix.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
