I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize