I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
