You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
