she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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