hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize