I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
