yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
