Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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