Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
