Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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