Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
