I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
