she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
