Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
