Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
