Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
