He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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