i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
