I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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