Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
