I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
