hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
