no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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