Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
