woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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