I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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