Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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