We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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