I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
