So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize