A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
