The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
