You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
