Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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