Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
