I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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