Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
