just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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