you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
