When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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