it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
time to smoke my breakfast
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
FUCK WHALES
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
