in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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