he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
