the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
