we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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