i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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