$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
