And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
