Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize